Do unto others...

"I think it’s impossible to really understand somebody, what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves." - Ender's Game, Orson Scott Card

The Ender series of books by OSC is by far my favorite fiction series. I reread the entire thing recently (some 8 or 9 books in all) in anticipation for the new movie that came out a few months ago. This is one of my favorite quotes. There is something about it that just feels true, and like a faint echo, I am always reminded of Jesus's words in Luke 6:31.

And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. Luke 6:31 (ESV)

I have spent some time thinking about this verse off and on over the last 9 months or so. Really, it has been a bit a paradox for me. One of the things I value most highly is truth. I seek, I uncover, I ponder, I want desperately to understand. One of the ways I apply that is that I want to know the truth about where my life doesn't measure up to the standard in God's Word, where my thoughts and actions do not honor Christ. So many times, it is extraordinarily difficult for me to see unChristlikeness in myself, and so I value immensely those around me having the courage to point it out to me. And therein lies the paradox for me.

Nearly every fellow believer I have ever known does not appreciate having their own failings exposed to the mirror of God's Word with the straightforwardness that I crave. No matter how true, no matter how necessary, no matter the intention of the messenger's heart, all they see and feel is the inevitable pain inherent in facing one's own shortcomings, and the messenger is proverbially slain. And so, for the longest time, I was left wondering "What do I do, then, with Luke 6:31? When I do for others what I want them to do for me, it nearly always turns out poorly, coming across as unloving and not gentle."

A pastor I met recently (a different one than the one I mentioned two posts ago) was able to see some things about me and relay that to me in a way that was exactly what I needed, and yet would have likely crushed and/or angered most people. I thanked him for it after the fact, and he shared an interesting bit of insight about his thought process behind it all. He said basically two things, one, that it felt unloving (in a general sense), but that two, he sensed that saying it as directly as he did was the best way he could show love to me, specifically.

There was a lot of Spirit-lead wisdom there, and it has helped me to see a bit more clearly a principle God has been working on in me from 1 Corinthians 9:19-23.

19 Although I am a free man and not anyone’s slave, I have made myself a slave to everyone, in order to win more people. 20 To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win Jews; to those under the law, like one under the law—though I myself am not under the law—to win those under the law. 21 To those who are without that law, like one without the law—not being without God’s law but within Christ’s law—to win those without the law. 22 To the weak I became weak, in order to win the weak. I have become all things to all people, so that I may by every possible means save some. 23 Now I do all this because of the gospel, so I may become a partner in its benefits.

Paul is saying here that he made himself whatever other people needed him to be in order to present them a life-saving message, namely the gospel. He did not want there to be any obstacle to his message in his methods. He kept his eye on the goal of sharing the gospel and endured whatever process was necessary to make that happen.

In being so direct with me, this pastor, who admitted that such potentially hurtful directness is definitely not the norm for him, made himself what I needed him to be in order to convey a message he knew I needed to hear.

This paradox of Luke 6:31 is not so unclear any more. It will take some time to work it out in practice, but I am beginning to understand that its not about the method; it is about the message. What I want others to do for me is to love me enough to not leave me as I am. I would hope that all believers want this from others as well. The key as I see it at the moment is to know them well enough to understand how it is they receive love. For me, it is simple, direct truth: "This is what I see, this is what God's Word says, and this is how you need to change." For others, as I have "learned" the hard way, it is going to be different. I must learn to love others enough to become whatever they need me to be so that a life-changing message is not hindered by imperfect methods. 

3 Do nothing out of rivalry or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves. 4 Everyone should look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Philippians 2:3-4

Love: The More Excellent Way, Part 6

Love finds no joy in unrighteousness

but rejoices in the truth. 1 Corinthians 13:6

I found this particular phrase set interesting. Paul is shifting back from the negative statements to the positive ones. These two characteristics are the only two that are directly compared via opposition to one another. If you were asked to finish the sentence "Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in ...", what word would you choose? Righteousness, or perhaps obedience? Maybe faithfulness? On the surface, "truth" doesn't seem to fit here, and that should make us take notice.

When I think of the word "truth" in relation to the Bible, pretty much the first verse that comes to mind is John 8:32: "You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." But this verse is even more compelling in the context, and it helps to explain Paul's interesting choice of truth as an opposition to unrighteousness. 

John 8 (ESV)

31 So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, 32 and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” 33 They answered him, “We are offspring of Abraham and have never been enslaved to anyone. How is it that you say, ‘You will become free’?”

34 Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who practices sin is a slave to sin. 35 The slave does not remain in the house forever; the son remains forever. 36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

Jesus says in verse 32 that you will know the truth by abiding in His word (i.e. studying and obeying His commands) in verse 31. He then explains what that freedom is from in verse 34: freedom from being slaves to sin. The key to escaping slavery to unrighteousness is to know the Truth that is Jesus.

It never ceases to amaze me that there are people who consider telling someone the truth about what they are doing or how they are living as being unloving or not compassionate towards that person. There are certainly many factors to consider to deliver such a message with gentleness, but without truth, such "loving" words are just useless fluff with no substance. Don't just treat the chaffing of the shackles against their skin. Set them free from bondage with truth!

Love rejoices in the truth because it is truth that sets us free from unrighteousness. One of my other favorite verses about truth is Jesus's statement to Pilate in John 18:37: "I was born for this, and I have come into the world for this: to testify to the truth." Do you want to show love to your brothers and sisters? Do you want to be more Christ-like? You must rejoice in and testify to truth.

Instructing with Gentleness, Pt. 2

Is your message true?

John 1:14 says that Jesus came "full of grace and truth." An interesting teaching I heard put it this way: He was not 47% grace and 53% truth. He was full of both grace and truth. Jesus said in John 18:37 that He came to testify to truth, and in John 8 He said that truth is what sets us free. Before you can instruct with gentleness, you must ensure that the message you intend to convey is true.

Truth is scary at times. Most of us don't like being wrong, and the more firmly we hold to a particular "truth" we know, the more difficult it is to accept correction. Some people respond by trying to find fault in the person presenting the truth, as if "bringing them down a notch or two" will negate their own need to change their behavior in response to the truth that was shared. I don't know about you, but for me there is a measure of embarrassment that comes with being confronted with where I have messed up, especially if it is completely out of the blue from my perspective. I shared with a friend of mine recently that the worst part for me about becoming more Christ-like is the feeling of utter stupidity that comes with thinking that I should have seen the flaw before it was revealed to me.

We instinctively recognize that truth can be hard to hear, so sometimes we err on the side of not speaking truth at all. If this describes you, consider this: everything Jesus said was the truth, and He was crucified for speaking it. The vast majority of His disciples died a martyr's death for proclaiming the truth.

Now, I know that the weight of what we have to say on a daily basis is not going to get us killed (at least, not here in America), but as I have already pointed out, we don't always see where we need correction. We need other people in our lives to show us where our lives don't measure up to the Word. If you refuse to tell your brother or sister the truth they need to hear, then you aren't acting out of love for that person. Rather than setting them free with truth, you are leaving them enslaved with tact.

Whether you speak or keep silent, you are conveying a message. If you want to be one who instructs with gentleness, you must start with a message that is true.