Monday, February 17, 2014

Do unto others...

"I think it’s impossible to really understand somebody, what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves." - Ender's Game, Orson Scott Card

The Ender series of books by OSC is by far my favorite fiction series. I reread the entire thing recently (some 8 or 9 books in all) in anticipation for the new movie that came out a few months ago. This is one of my favorite quotes. There is something about it that just feels true, and like a faint echo, I am always reminded of Jesus's words in Luke 6:31.

And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. Luke 6:31 (ESV)

I have spent some time thinking about this verse off and on over the last 9 months or so. Really, it has been a bit a paradox for me. One of the things I value most highly is truth. I seek, I uncover, I ponder, I want desperately to understand. One of the ways I apply that is that I want to know the truth about where my life doesn't measure up to the standard in God's Word, where my thoughts and actions do not honor Christ. So many times, it is extraordinarily difficult for me to see unChristlikeness in myself, and so I value immensely those around me having the courage to point it out to me. And therein lies the paradox for me.

Nearly every fellow believer I have ever known does not appreciate having their own failings exposed to the mirror of God's Word with the straightforwardness that I crave. No matter how true, no matter how necessary, no matter the intention of the messenger's heart, all they see and feel is the inevitable pain inherent in facing one's own shortcomings, and the messenger is proverbially slain. And so, for the longest time, I was left wondering "What do I do, then, with Luke 6:31? When I do for others what I want them to do for me, it nearly always turns out poorly, coming across as unloving and not gentle."

A pastor I met recently (a different one than the one I mentioned two posts ago) was able to see some things about me and relay that to me in a way that was exactly what I needed, and yet would have likely crushed and/or angered most people. I thanked him for it after the fact, and he shared an interesting bit of insight about his thought process behind it all. He said basically two things, one, that it felt unloving (in a general sense), but that two, he sensed that saying it as directly as he did was the best way he could show love to me, specifically.

There was a lot of Spirit-lead wisdom there, and it has helped me to see a bit more clearly a principle God has been working on in me from 1 Corinthians 9:19-23.

19 Although I am a free man and not anyone’s slave, I have made myself a slave to everyone, in order to win more people. 20 To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win Jews; to those under the law, like one under the law—though I myself am not under the law—to win those under the law. 21 To those who are without that law, like one without the law—not being without God’s law but within Christ’s law—to win those without the law. 22 To the weak I became weak, in order to win the weak. I have become all things to all people, so that I may by every possible means save some. 23 Now I do all this because of the gospel, so I may become a partner in its benefits.

Paul is saying here that he made himself whatever other people needed him to be in order to present them a life-saving message, namely the gospel. He did not want there to be any obstacle to his message in his methods. He kept his eye on the goal of sharing the gospel and endured whatever process was necessary to make that happen.

In being so direct with me, this pastor, who admitted that such potentially hurtful directness is definitely not the norm for him, made himself what I needed him to be in order to convey a message he knew I needed to hear.

This paradox of Luke 6:31 is not so unclear any more. It will take some time to work it out in practice, but I am beginning to understand that its not about the method; it is about the message. What I want others to do for me is to love me enough to not leave me as I am. I would hope that all believers want this from others as well. The key as I see it at the moment is to know them well enough to understand how it is they receive love. For me, it is simple, direct truth: "This is what I see, this is what God's Word says, and this is how you need to change." For others, as I have "learned" the hard way, it is going to be different. I must learn to love others enough to become whatever they need me to be so that a life-changing message is not hindered by imperfect methods. 

3 Do nothing out of rivalry or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves. 4 Everyone should look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Philippians 2:3-4